I was recently contracted to provide hospice music therapy part time with a hospice in my hometown.
I love what I do and I know many people have not had previous exposure to music therapy, or music therapy in the hospice setting.
There are frequently things I wish my patients could know before I ever meet them, so here are 10 things I would want you to know if you were my patient.
My paycheck pays the bills, but the real payoff of this job is my relationship with you. I treasure every moment of your company I am privileged to receive. I am invested in your happiness and your quality of life, especially now that modern medicine can no longer extend your life expectancy. I genuinely long for joy-filled days for you. I am humbled and honored that you allow me in to share such an intimate and vulnerable time in your life. Thank you. I care about you.
2. You Don't Have to Be a Musician
Please don't be shy about letting me come by to visit you for the first time because you have never had any formal musical training or experience. One unique skill of a music therapist is being able to create musical experiences that ANYONE can be successful in with NO prior experience. I promise, on the days you feel up to it, we will make music together just fine, and it will be delightfully fun for both of us.
3. I LOVE it When You Sing
And I don't care what your voice sounds like! I really don't. Just because I had to take voice lessons to do this job doesn't mean you need to sound like you're ready to win American Idol. Does singing special, significant songs bring you joy? Fantastic! Then please sing! I'm never going to judge what you sound like, because I'm not here to make you a fantastic singer. You will benefit on so many levels from the process of singing.
4. But It's Also Great if You Don't
If you are having a rough day, or you find that singing just takes too much energy right now, please don't worry that I will be sad if you don't sing with me today. Because you and I decide together what kind of musical experiences we have each time, I will always meet you where you are and adjust our normal plan to make you the most comfortable. If today happens to be a day where listening and quietly pondering your own thoughts and memories is what will comfort you, that is what we will do.
5. I Won't be Offended if You Fall Asleep
Speaking of listening and quiet thinking, you may find yourself nodding off while I am with you. I promise, I will not be the least bit upset if you fall asleep in the middle of a song I am singing. I am not there to give an award-winning musical performance. I am there to help your comfort, and I take it as a very high compliment if I can help you relax well enough that you fall asleep and get some good rest. Go ahead, sneak in a nap. Pleasant dreams!
6. The Days You Feel the Worst May be the Best Days to See Me
Maybe the last time I came to see you, your children and grandchildren were all there and I passed out tambourines and drums and egg shakers and we had a rousing family singalong with your favorite jazz standards or gospel tunes. And maybe today, you just don't feel up for that kind of energy level and experience. Intuitively, you may want to send me away because you are having some pain, discomfort, anxiety, or maybe you feel down in the dumps today. I will always respect your right to ask me not to visit, but you should know that I am qualified to help you manage those symptoms and negative feelings. I have music therapy techniques that look completely different than what we did during the family singalong, and I could provide therapy to help you feel better than you currently do. Think about letting me come visit even when you aren't feeling quite like yourself.
7. I am Here for Your Family, Too
I am always delighted to have any significant person from your life join us for music therapy. I know how much you care about them, and I have no problem looking out for their needs, as well. That's part of the hospice philosophy of care - we take care of your family, too. I can help you write songs that convey messages for your family to keep after you have died. I can help them with their own stress and anxiety over your health. You can trust that they are in good hands with me and especially the rest of the hospice team.
8. I'm Waterproof
I fully realize that sometimes music brings STRONG emotions to the surface very suddenly. You might find yourself tearing up during a song, and needing to have a full crying spell. That's ok. Your tears will not hurt me because I am "waterproof." When I am with you, it is a safe space for you to shed those tears. I can be a listening ear and a supportive presence if you need to talk about what was on your mind during a particular song. If you need more assistance, I will always report back to the appropriate members of the hospice team and we will do our best to take care of you. Please feel free to cry on my shoulder.
9. I Will Keep Caring for You
As you know, at a certain point on our journey together, you will be too sick to acknowledge my presence or even open your eyes when I come to see you. Don't worry, I will still come to see you even in your final moments. There is good reason to believe you can still hear even when you cannot respond. I will communicate how much I have enjoyed our time together. I will share the music we enjoyed together with any family and friends who are with you at this time. I will be there to help and comfort your family during the very difficult process of saying "goodbye" to you. If either you or your family asks me to provide music for your memorial service, I will continue caring for you and for your legacy after you are gone.
10. I Will Always Remember and Treasure You
I will never forget what an honor and joy it was to know you and to share music with you. Any patient I am privileged to see becomes a part of my heart forever. Again, thank you for allowing me to care about you in this way. I would rather be with you than on any stage in the world.
